So, imagine this.
You've just moved into some new accommodation, and the incredibly kind/lazy previous occupier has left you with a whole load of unwanted junk up in the attic. Boxes weighed down with VHS (ask your parents) copies of James Bond films, music festival soiled sleeping bags and a child's disastrous arts and crafts project hastily stuffed away under the cover of darkness.
New Chelsea manager Maurizio Sarri finds himself in a similar position as he takes the helm at Stamford Bridge. As he gingerly works his way into the loft, the howling ghosts of Felipe Scolari and AndrΓ© Villas-Boas surge past him, to reveal a room simply heaving with dusty footballer clutter.
Suddenly, David Luiz pops out like a jack-in-a-box, his trademark afro bouncing wildly, his eyes wide, screaming "Hello!!! Geeeezzaaaa!" at the startled former Napoli manager. In a distant corner, Ross Barkley moans weakly from a hospital trolley, while Lucas Piazon paces the room like a caged animal, pleading with anyone who will listen not to send him on a sixth loan spell in as many years.
Roman AbramoviΔh, the deranged landlord, slams the door shut with a menacing laugh, instructing Sarri to "have fun!" with the horrific task that awaits him. By the looks of things, Sarri has got quite the task on his hands, and needs to get the deadwood out of there. Pronto.
So, without further ado: Roll up, roll up! It's 'Maurizio Sarri's Big Summer Garage Sale Bonanzaβ’'!
7. Gary Cahill - Defender
Let's start by putting the cat amongst the pigeons here, and flog the captain first up.
Now this isn't quite as radical as it sounds. While Gary Cahill has admittedly had an excellent spell at Stamford Bridge, and has coped well with the unenviable task of replacing club legend John Terry as captain, he is showing signs of being well past his best.
Getting rid of Cahill will free up the armband, and no-one is more deserving of it than club stalwart CΓ©sar 'Dave' Azpilicueta, who could well be moved back to right-back under Sarri - who favours a classic back four.
Potential Garage Sale Fee: Β£15m
6. Γlvaro Morata - Striker
Mateja KeΕΎman. Fernando Torres. Hernan Crespo. Samuel Eto'o. Andriy Shevchenko. Chris Sutton. Radamel Falcao. Adrian Mutu. Claudio Pizarro.
The list of Chelsea's flop strikers could go on beyond the limits of internet capacity, and even the most kind hearted of Blues fans would struggle to make a strong case to suggest Γlvaro Morata isn't in this worryingly chunky list.
The former Real Madrid man - Chelsea's record signing no less - was nothing short of a failure, and he really doesn't seem to have what it takes to cope with the aggressive nature of Premier League football.
Potential Garage Sale Fee: Β£45m
5. Cesc FΓ bregas - Midfielder
Boy, oh boy. Where to start with Chelsea's midfield pileup?!
Lurking among the wreckage are no less than 11 (Yes! ELEVEN!) central midfielders, most of whom are decent enough to start in the Premier League on a weekly basis.
Now, some have perhaps unkindly suggested that the Chelsea board are about as adept at assembling a squad as a drunken gibbon let loose on 'Football Manager', but I would never be so uncharitable...
Still, the Blues are hoarding midfielders like an elderly man with a deeply unsettling china doll collection, and Sarri needs to trim the numbers down. Sharpish.
Sorry Cesc FΓ bregas, but you're first for the chop. Jorginho is the new sheriff in town.
Potential Garage Sale Fee: Β£25m
4. TiΓ©mouΓ© Bakayoko - Midfielder
Another midfielder ripe for a trim, TiΓ©mouΓ© Bakayoko is bound to be heading for the exit this summer.
The former Monaco man was simply diabolical for Chelsea last term, with his clumsy, haphazard midfield play encapsulating a season of sheer frustration for the Blues.
With N'Golo KantΓ© likely to partner Jorginho deep in the heart of midfield, and Danny Drinkwater as backup, there is just no place for Bakayoko anymore.
Furthermore, if Chelsea keep Bakayoko and fail to hold on to Ruben Loftus-Cheek, it will go down as one of the most pigheaded decisions in the history of the club.
Potential Garage Sale Fee: Swap deal for a box of water damaged Toploader cassette tapes and a few tattered copies of 'The Beano'.
3. Lucas Piazon/Mario PaΕ‘aliΔ/Kenneth Omeruo/Nathan - The Wasted Youth
Chelsea's 'buy 'em cheap, loan 'em out, flog 'em out for a profit in a decade or so' philosophy is an infuriating, tiresome business, that clearly isn't going to end while it continues to pay financial dividends.
There is no point in Sarri loaning out the likes of Piazon, Nathan, PaΕ‘aliΔ and Omeruo for yet another season away from the club. They're never going to a get a run in the Chelsea side, and keeping them on the books is just damaging their careers.
Sarri, should he be so bold, would be wise to trim off this crop of previous young prodigies.
Potential Garage Sale Fee: Sold as a job lot. Β£30m for all four or nearest offer. No time wasters please.
2. David Luiz - Defender (On His Day)
This one hurts, this one really hurts.
When David Luiz first came back from his stint at Paris Saint-Germain, he was a changed man, and his uncharacteristically disciplined performances were pivotal in helping Chelsea to win the league title in 2017.
Well, he's slipped to the bottom of the pecking order now, after reverting back to his old, quite frankly insane methods of defending.
Given his fan favourite status, it's hard to let Luiz go again, but he's just too much of a liability to keep on the books!
Potential Garage Sale Fee: Β£30m. Comes complete with instructions such as: "Do not feed after midnight".
1. Michy Batshuayi - Striker
Yes, we've all seen what a wonderful time Michy Batshuayi has been having on loan at Borussia Dortmund. Rubbing his glories in our faces with a seemingly endless stream of Instagram stories and emojis.
The thing is, Chelsea need to sign a top quality striker next season. Don't get me wrong, on his day Batshuayi is a real contender, but he let both himself and the club down on far too many occasions last season.
The Belgian ace is bound to bring in a decent amount of cash, and will free up a place for a brand new marksman, with Olivier Giroud and Tammy Abraham (unless he somehow ends up being sent out on loan - imagine!) operating as understudies.
Potential Garage Sale Fee: Β£30m. And the commitment to cover his surely enormous mobile data bill.