Naturally, urinating outside at the training merits a smaller fine of a mere £5, provided it is in done in bushes or behind a tree.
Other sanctions include:
They are the smaller (and, let's be frank, more amusing) fines - more significant ones include £100 for being late on match-day or not showing up for a team night out, and - the biggest of all - £150 for not turning up for training.
The charges have been introduced by manager-owner Colin Gordon, a football agent who bought the club for £3 in November and invested over £100,000 to keep it alive.
"I have been called [Massimo] Cellino by a few fans," he told The Times. "They think, 'You own the club, you're managing the team, it's all about your ego.
"But I've put a fair bulk of my life savings into the club. I'm working 24/7, as is my daughter, for no salary."
- Telegraph