"Tottenham Hotspur are going to win the Premier League!"
"Manchester United are going to get relegated!"
"Real Madrid are nothing without Cristiano Ronaldo!"
After a week in which a vast array of weird hot takes were rightfully extinguished, it's time for another DEFINITIVE European Power Rankings:
15. Inter (Re-Entry)
After two weeks of explicit ineptitude, Inter finally kickstarted their 2018/19 Serie A campaign last weekend with a much needed win over Bologna.
With Radja Nainggolan now in the starting XI and in amongst the goals, I Nerazzurri fans will be quietly confident that their side will be this season's 'anti-Juve'.
14. Manchester United (Re-Entry)
Just when they thought they were out, they were pulled back in.
Manchester United bounced back from what was seemingly the end of the world (a 3-0 defeat to Tottenham Hotspur), to beat struggling Burnley 1-0 at Turf Moor on Sunday.
It was by no means a performance that will convince the doubters that the Red Devils can still challenge Man City this season - but it's a start.
13. Watford (New Entry)
Yes, you read that right.
At this current moment in time, Watford are the 13th best team in Europe. Watford.
After four wins in four at the start of the 2018/19 Premier League season, the Hornets are also - at this current moment in time - the third best team in England.
And they more than deserve these accolades. Watford's shock 2-1 win over Tottenham Hotspur on Sunday was exactly that: a shock; but it could also be an indication that Javi Gracia's men are set to break into the top six this season. Stranger things have happened...
12. Tottenham Hotspur (Down 6)
Spurs gonna Spurs.
After an incredible 3-0 win at Old Trafford, Tottenham Hotspur wilted at Vicarage Road on Sunday afternoon.
Despite taking a one goal, Spurs went full Spurs and managed to find a way to lose 2-1 to Watford.
Mauricio Pochettino's side are undoubtedly talented, but they clearly have a long way to go before explicitly challenging Manchester City's Premier League supremacy.
11. Fiorentina (Up 4)
Young, exciting, and most importantly of all, winning.
Fiorentina have been THE team to watch in the Serie A over the past few weeks, with Giovanni Simeone and co. firing on all cylinders at the Stadio Artemio Franchi in wins over Chievo Verona and Udinese.
Will this form continue? It's hard to know, but La Viola's fans will certainly enjoy it while they can.
10. VfL Wolfsburg (New Entry)
Perennial underachievers VfL Wolfsburg are doing something thought they would do this season: overachieve.
Underdogs in both their first two games of the season against Schalke 04 and Bayer Leverkusen, Die Wolfes have - somehow - managed to go into the international break with six points.
Bruno Labbadia looks to have finally found a winning formula for Wolfsburg.
9. Atletico Madrid (Down 6)
Down six, and for good reason.
Since winning the UEFA Super Cup in mid-August, Atletico Madrid have been fairly horrendous.
Diego Simeone's men were humbled by Celta Vigo last weekend at the Balaidos, and after just three games, already find themselves a whopping five points behind Barcelona and Real Madrid.
8. Liverpool (Up 1)
"TYPICAL LIVERPOOL AGENDA!"
"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE (in Tony Harrison's voice)!"
"HOW CAN LIVERPOOL BE 8TH IN THE EUROPEAN POWER RANKINGS WHEN THEY'RE CLEARLY THE BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD!"
For the first time since Steven Gerrard slipped and gifted Manchester City the Premier League title, Liverpool look capable of winning their first league title since 1990. Four wins in four proves that.
However, there was some cause for concern last weekend at the King Power Stadium. A horrific back pass from Virgil van Dijk and an equally horrific attempt at a Cruyff turn by Alisson was perhaps the first indication that - despite the confidence of their fans - Liverpool aren't infallible.
7. Paris Saint-Germain (Up 1)
The stars continue to shine for Paris Saint-Germain.
Neymar and Kylian Mbappe once again found the back of the net for the Parisians (watch Mbappe's wonder goal if you haven't already) in a thrilling 4-2 win over Ligue 1 newbies Nimes.
However, PSG will be forced to do without Mbappe for their next three league games after the youngster received a straight red in the dying embers of the game. With Neymar, Edinson Cavani and co. still available for selection though, they're still probably going to be quite good.
6. Chelsea (Up 5)
Another week, another win, and another brilliant performance from Chelsea.
Maurizio Sarri's men retained their 100% record in the Premier League last weekend, with an impressive 2-0 win over high flying Bournemouth. Pedro and Eden Hazard scored two late goals as the Blues' faithful were treated to another possession m.
The people of Stamford Bridge have spoken: Sarribal is a hit.
5. Manchester City
Man City got back to winning ways on Saturday, seeing off struggling Newcastle United at the Etihad Stadium.
Adapting a new 4-2-4 system, Pep Guardiola's men looked as potent as ever in the final third, but struggled defensively at times. It's clear that, despite undoubtedly being the best team in England, there's still room for improvement for the Citizens.
4. Bayern Munich (Up 3)
The Niko Kovac has started with - yes, it's cliche time - a bang.
Bayern Munich looked genuinely terrifying during their dismantling of VfB Stuttgart on Saturday.
If they can continue this form into Europe, FC Hollywood could be a darkhorse for the UEFA Champions League crown this year.
3. Real Madrid (Down 1)
Contrary to popular belief, there is life after Cristiano Ronaldo.
Gareth Bale starred once again for Real Madrid, as Los Blancos comfortably saw off Leganes at the Santiago Bernabeu.
Whisper it, but Real Madrid might actually be better off without CR7 this season.
2. Barcelona (Up 2)
Barcelona have risen to second in this week's European power rankings for one simple reason: they beat Huesca 8-2.
Yes, 8-2.
1. Juventus
Despite Cristiano Ronaldo being oddly goal shy. Despite Gervinho being oddly brilliant. And despite having Douglas Costa and Paulo Dybala being consigned to the bench, Juventus found a way to win at the Stadio Ennio Tardini.
Terrifyingly for the rest of Europe, Juventus continue to win even without their five time Ballon d'Or winner performing at his best.
Be afraid Europe. Be very, very, afraid.